Energy Issues

 Vol. 232 No. 12

In 1966, James Brown recorded “It’s a man’s, man’s, man’s world”. While extremely chauvinistic and controversial, the song became one of his biggest hits. In 2004, the song was ranked number 123 on Rolling Stone magazine’s list of the 500 greatest songs of all time. Were Brown around today he might record an up-to-date version, the title of which would certainly have to be “It’s an apps, apps, and apps world”. In fact, you might want to check your music apps to see if he did get around to recording it.

Apps are ubiquitous. If you don’t have at least three screens full you are out of touch with cyber reality. It’s time to update. And, when you update, don’t miss the growing number of oil and gas industry apps. Want to know how the logs on that step-out well look? Download the Schlumberger InterACT app. When logs are available in the InterACT database, the InterACT app log viewer allows you to access your logging data in real time during logging operations, as well as after they have been completed.

Want real-time, interactive access to well construction operations? Download Halliburton’s InSite Anywhere Mobile. The app allows you to collaborate with your well construction team in real time, wherever you may be.

Tracking the rig count? Download the Baker Hughes Rig Count app.

Need to monitor well and lease performance? Download the Pumper’s Friend app to collect tank and gauge data from the field.

Want to calculate ECD? Download the Oilfield ECD app. Think you are being underpaid on royalties? Get the Royalty Calc app. Unfortunately, there is not enough room in this column to list more than a fraction of the current oil and gas apps available for the iPhone, Android and Blackberry platforms. But, as many apps as there are, I have suggestions for a few more.

How about an Oilfield Trash Watering Hole app? Are you in Aberdeen and can’t remember the location of the Dutch Mill (7 Queens Road)? Just pop up the Watering Hole app and you are on your way. Puzzled about where to get the best Sling in Singapore (Long Bar at the Raffles Hotel, 1 Beach Road)? Just launch the app. Thirsty for a smooth bourbon on the rocks at the Pour House in Houston? Don’t bother with the app, just give me a call.

Or, wouldn’t you like to have a Danger Ball app? What’s a danger ball, you might ask? He is the guy running back-up tongs on the floor whose wife has just filed for divorce. His mind is somewhere else. The Danger Ball app, through a clever set of questions matched to each individual’s astrological sign, can identify a danger ball before he starts his tour, or jumps in his pickup to work the lease. It’s your job to keep him away from dangerous situations, but at least you know.

Maybe you could use the 30 Years of One Day’s Experience app? You know the guy I am talking about. He has been in the field longer than almost anyone but can’t be trusted to complete a simple task without injury to himself or others or damage to equipment. Often, he is the chair of the safety committee. Send him out to move a set of BOPs and he will a) lose the load, b) hit a cow, c) drive through a rancher’s fence and, d) drop a lift sub on his foot, though not necessarily in that order. And, you will never figure out why he had the lift sub. Would you like to identify who this individual is (surely you know) and how to employ him with minimal risk to lives and property? Simply pull up the 30 Years of One Day’s Experience app and you are off to the races.

How about an Overbearing Eliminator app? You have worked with these guys. So have I. They are the ones who know everything and are never wrong. And, they have no hesitancy about letting you know it. In every encounter, it is their way or the highway. It is unlikely that you could change them, even if you wanted to. So, what about an app that would provide a response to them that stops them in their tracks? Say one of these individuals sends a note to the field to increase the speed of a 40-year-old pumping unit to 16 strokes a minute. “But”, you protest to Mr. Overbearing, “that unit is in bad shape.” “Never mind”, says he, “I have figured it out”. It’s time to hit the Overbearing Eliminator icon. Bingo. Your response—“That’s a good idea. We can put the pieces of the unit with the pieces of the other unit that came apart when you increased its speed. I hear scrap metal is bringing a pretty penny these days.”

Do you need a CYA Debilitation app? The opposite of overbearing, these are the guys who won’t go out on a limb for any reason no matter how much a bit of creative action might be needed. They are the ones that have 16 different reasons why a project won’t work before the project begins. They are the ones that spend more time documenting their activities than actually doing any work. What to do? Fire up the CYA Debilitation app to solve the problem. It immediately provides the individual with a Gantt chart to structure his productive time and a penalty schedule if he does not meet the productivity levels mandated in the chart.

Seriously, apps can be extremely useful. I wish I had had a few of them back in the days. But, I can get them now and that’s super. You might want to do a bit of searching for apps that could make your job easier.

By the way, James Brown did concede in the song that men are nothing without women. That’s understandable, given that the lyrics were written by Betty Jean Newsome.