Drilling advances

	Vol. 226 No. 5
LES SKINNER, PE CONTRIBUTING EDITOR

How to tick off a toolpusher. Several articles have been offered recently in a continuing effort to mentor young company representatives who may not be familiar with the proper way to fulfill their role on today’s drilling rigs. This is the latest in the series, and it is based on abundant personal experience. If you really want to know how to tick off a toolpusher, read on.

1. Begin issuing orders as soon as you arrive on the rig. Do not bother to introduce yourself to the toolpusher before going onto the floor. Start by telling the driller and any nearby hand what needs to be done and how to do it. Just let the toolpusher figure out on his own that the new Company Man is hard at work changing up whatever established pattern is in use. He’ll appreciate your aggressiveness and initiative. He’ll quickly get over the fact that you ignored him once he figures out who, and what, you are.
2. Establish a proper working relationship. You are the Company Man. He is the toolpusher. You need to make sure he understands that situation clearly. So, tell him distinctly. Tell him often. He’ll appreciate the constant reminders – it’s important that the work relationship be established early in the process and reinforced periodically. Also, never ask for the toolpusher’s advice. True, he’s got many, many more years experience than you, but since you’re running the show, you don’t really need his advice. Offer your advice to him anytime, however. He will be thrilled to get it!
3. Wear your brand new coveralls, hardhat and boots. You are supposed to have pride in yourself, and your new gear will display that fact to the toolpusher. He’s bound to be impressed with your appearance. The toolie and the crew might accidentally think you don’t want them to look as good as you do if you wear the old, faded gear. They might also figure out that you don’t have any.
4. Brag about your experience. Never let an opportunity go by to tell the toolpusher about your vast knowledge, ability and experience. If you fail to inform him, he won’t understand how much you bring to this job. One must toot his own horn or the same shall not be tooted. So, give him detailed accounts about all the trials and tribulations you’ve endured in your long, arduous six months of service to date.
5. Criticize the rig every time you find something wrong. The toolpusher is supposed to be in charge of everything on and about the rig. So, he will appreciate it if you point out any failings of the rig or its operation. Be sure to start with the appearance of the rig – housekeeping, paint, quarters, etc. If a crewmember is painting and misses a spot, be sure to point it out to the toolpusher when he comes by. He’ll truly appreciate your efforts to help him maintain a high level of quality control. So will the guy with the paintbrush.
6. If the toolpusher is down, kick him. We all have bad days and toolpushers are no exception. Sometimes things just don’t go well on the rig and the toolpusher is up to his neck in problems both personal and professional. When those times occur, drop by and load him up with some problem that is bound to further stress the poor guy. This will undoubtedly expand his endurance and give him ambition to overcome all of his other problems quickly so he can jump right on the one you’ve just handed him.
7. Feel free to take full advantage of the toolpusher’s hospitality. You can always feel good about drinking the toolpusher’s coffee, eating his gumbo or reading his newspaper. Take it with you. Don’t bother inviting him to your quarters to share your stuff. He won’t mind. If you have a chance to go to town or back to the dock, don’t bother bringing him anything – that’s what the mud man and the crew boat captain are supposed to do. Toolpushers don’t really care about stuff like that since they are consumed by their job.
8. Don’t clean your boots. You can track anything into the toolpusher’s office. He won’t mind. The toolpusher can get the crew to clean the floors. So, don’t wipe your feet or remove your dirty footwear when you enter the toolie’s office. If there’s pipe dope or mud on your boots, walk lightly as you spread it around. Take big steps. No problem – it will come off eventually. If by chance you get something on his floor, leave and give him about 15 minutes to clean it up. Then come back in again. That will really get him going. Same goes for his furniture. That dirt will come off. If it doesn’t, oh well, it’s just old furniture anyway.
9. Insist that the toolpusher bring the morning report to your office promptly. It is your job to check the morning report for accuracy and add any daily cost items he’s forgotten. You have a considerable amount of work to do on the report before it goes to the office. So, make sure the toolpusher is prompt in delivering the IADC rig sheet and his activity summary to your office. If he’s having trouble getting the report done on time, call him on the phone. Remind him of your intense desire for him to wrap it up and get that report to you now! He will do what he’s told – don’t worry about his feelings.
10. Make sure you hold something back. You don’t really have to tell everything you know. Save some minor problem that occurred while drilling the well and bring it up when it’s least expected. Be sure to mention it in front of the toolpusher’s boss and also in front of your boss. That you’ve never uttered a word about it before, and that the event occurred in the past so nothing can be done about it, is inconsequential. Say something about it now and the toolpusher is bound to avoid it on the next well. It’s sure that he will remember the incident (and you for bringing it up).

So there you have it. Ten steps guaranteed to tick off even the most patient toolpusher. If he gets a little steamed, don’t sweat it. Also, don’t worry about him holding a grudge. Toolpushers are notorious for having short memories – everybody knows that. If he remembers any of this, you’ll have a head start! You won’t have to work nearly as hard ticking him off on the next well. Just showing up at the rig should be enough. 

Les Skinner, Consultant, Houston, and a chemical engineering graduate from Texas Tech University, has 32 years’ experience in drilling and well control with major/ independent operators and well-control companies.